Self worth and productivity
I just read an article about how if one is depressed the best way to fight it is by being productive. That to me shows a lack of understanding of what depression really is. Depression means not being able to be productive no matter how much you may wish yourself to be. Depression is not having control over you brain and rather the brain controling you. Depression often comes with its twin — anxiety — which in many ways is the oposite of depression but causes the same fears around ones capability and likability. Depression and anxiety are like unwelcomed monsters living in your head that refuse to leave. Sometimes therapy helps, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes medication helps, sometimes it doesn’t. But what helps most of the time is finding connection with others. Depsite our reservations and fear of rejection, we (people with mental health issues) often find respite by reaching out for help. We struggle with the need for time alone and the need for connection. It’s a very strange place to be in, and the one thing I know that doesn’t help is forcing yourself to do something. I’m not saying it doesn’t work in some cases or that distraction isn’t a helpful tactic for some. I’m just saying these are short-term fixes for things that need a more holistic systems approarch.
Depression can be clinical, situational and also as research is now showing is linked to how one experiences systemic opression. So what is difficult for me to understand is how does being productive gets anyone the help they may need? While I’m not a doctor or a psychologist to go into details about what depression is- I can only talk about what it is like for me- a person who has been in depression for the past 3 years. For me it’s makes me dissassociate, and I have a tendency to isolate myself and retreate. So, while I may be able to perform certain functions and do things I need to do- it makes me feel numb and disconnected and the only way out of it for me is by seeking connection. Having someone hold space for me and to talk to is one of the ways I feel myself heal.
Over the summer I’ve been creating venn diagrams for myself to understand the various dualities and complexities that I sit with. Prompted by an instagram account called @Vent_diagrams I made the following to explain what I said above.
This obsession with being productive and having something to show for - as a measure of success (to ourselves and others), can be very unforgiving. It leaves one with the feeling of faliure if what we produce isn’t liked by others or doesn’t bring us the accolades we desire. Society makes us measure our self worth by how much we produce. Which means we often tie our self worth to our jobs. And if we aren’t seen to be delievering at our jobs (which means not meeting the expectations of our superiors — often which are left unexplained), or if we get fired, we feel as if we’ve failed at life. When that is simply not true. We are much more than our jobs and what we produce. Our emotions are real and we need to create space to sit with them and get to the root of what we are feeling and why. We are more than ourselves, we are our connections, we are shaped by who we love and those who love us. We are told that we only matter as individuals, but as individuals our choices and actions impact others. Our healing is tied to the healing of others. And collective healing is what has helped me so far. It wasn’t until I understood that and sought out communities where I felt belongining, seen and heard that I started to understand how much connection and healing as a collective mattered.
“As the collective heals, the individual heals”
— The Last EMCEE, The Peace Poets
It feels unfair to ask people who are in depression to be productive. To encourage them to be resourceful, to just do it, find distractions and get things done if we can’t also create spaces for healing. If we can’t change the instutions or structural conditions that prevent those suffering from getting the support and assistance they need. It’s iressponsible on many levels to push the blame onto the indivual not being able to get things done and be productive, rather than focusing on the systems and institutions that fail them constantly. Because as Marcia Lee of Healing by Choice says (and I paraphrase): we as individuals don’t have all the answers and unless we work collectively we never will.
I will write separately about how the medical health institutions and professionals fail people with mental health issues especially womxn of color.
As I wrote in my response to the article linking happiness to productivity:
I think productivity is over rated and is a manifestation of the capitalist system. Where we are all producers and consumers. That dynamic leaves very little room or spaciousness for just being and even less so for community. We all have to create space in our lives for rest and for letting our minds wander to enhance creativity and connectivity. Isn’t that what we teach our children? If we are always busy producing then how can we understand what we are feeling? If we don’t understand our own feelings, how can we understand someone else's? And if can’t understand what the other is feeling, how then do we find connection? Connection is the key to fighting the endemic of loneliness and depression. Connection is what makes us human and happy.
